Asking for a referral without feeling awkward

The moment

Ask out of nowhere and it feels like begging. Ask straight after someone has said something positive and it's a logical continuation of their own sentence.

Three moments offer themselves up: just after you've finished a job, when someone says unprompted that it went well, and in a quarterly call where they tell you things are going fine.

That last one is the most reliable, because you schedule it yourself. See the piece on existing customers.

What to say

"Do you know anyone else this might be useful for?" sounds helpful and almost never produces anything. It's too big: the customer has to go through their entire network, and nobody does that standing on the phone.

Make it small and specific. Name a kind of business, or better still a name you've noticed yourself:

*"Do you know another firm about your size struggling with the same thing? One name is plenty."*

*"I saw you work with Thornbury. Would this be an issue for them too?"*

Asking for one name rather than "anyone" makes the answer achievable. And most people who give you one name go on to give you two more.

Make it easy for them

A referral usually dies in the execution. The customer says yes, and then has to work out what to write — and it never happens.

Offer to do it for them: *"Shall I draft a couple of lines you can forward?"* Three lines, in their tone, with your contact details in it. They'll adjust it or send it as it is.

That feels like offering a lot and it's two minutes of work, and it moves the chances of anything happening from maybe to probably.

What you may do with the name

Worth being clear about, because this contact has never given you anything. The clean route is the one that works better anyway: let the customer introduce you, so that the first message the new person gets comes from someone they trust.

If you have to approach them yourself, remember you're holding a named individual's details, so UK GDPR applies — and under PECR, a sole trader or ordinary partnership is treated as an individual, which means an unsolicited marketing email needs consent. Mention who passed your details on in the first sentence, and the whole question usually disappears: a referred approach isn't cold, as long as you say why you're ringing. The detail is in can you send that email.

What to do afterwards

Two things, and the second is almost always forgotten.

Record who referred whom, against the new contact and against the customer. Then in a year's time you know who your advocates are, and that's a list worth more than any marketing list.

Tell them how it turned out. Even if nothing came of it. Someone who gives you a name is taking a small risk with their own relationship; hearing how it went is the least you can do back. And someone who's experienced that once will give you a name more readily the next time.

What not to do

Don't offer a reward. A referral with something in return for the referrer isn't a referral any more, it's a transaction, and the person receiving it can tell. You damage the value of the thing you were trying to get.

And don't ask the same question twice of someone who didn't take it up. They've already answered, just not in words.